Moms can be many things, but on screen if they’re hot they also often happen to be kind of evil – or, if not outright evil, still pretty bad. There are long standing ideas about the way a mother is “supposed” to be and behave, and continuing to be physically attractive and think of yourself as an individual are not on the list. This has led to decades of media where you can immediately tell who the ‘bad mom’ is just by her looks. Thankfully this is finally starting to change as more modern shows and films have started tackling this trope head on, but it still hasn’t totally gone away. So let’s take a deeper look at why media was so afraid of hot moms, the truth behind the ‘mother vs daughter’ battles they usually get trapped in, and the iconic characters that started flipping the script on this trope.

FEAR OF THE HOT MOM

As much as expectations of moms have changed over the decades, their nearly-unreachable nature has remained constant. In the first half of the 20th century, the belief was that the mother belonged in the home, and should essentially solely exist to care for the house, her husband, and her children. While she was expected to always look put together and “well groomed,” it was very strongly implied that her years of being hot were over and should be left behind. Obviously there was more to these women than just their looks, but many had been raised to believe that their physical appearance was their greatest asset. To have to so quickly let this go in favor of looking more safely ‘matronly’ after having children was a physical embodiment of the way they were made to give up their entire selves and disappear into motherhood. And women who didn’t go this route – who continued to take an interest in their looks – could come to be seen as a threat to other women, or as a mother who didn’t really care for her family the way that she should. By the middle of the century, we began to see women bucking against this idea that they should completely give up being sexual beings, or individuals at all, after giving birth – but while these stories might have been slightly more sympathetic towards their plight, they were still painted as bad mothers and generally bad people.

“What are you scared of?” “I’m not scared, Mrs. Robinson.” “Then why do you keep running away?” The Graduate

Hot moms on screen are often framed as dying to hold onto their youth at any cost – which can lead to some issues with their own children (which we’ll get to in just a minute.) The implication is usually that they’re in some kind of arrested development – unable (or unwilling) to grow up and become “real” adults. Mothers on screen are often viewed as secondary characters in everyone else’s lives; the idea being that they should only exist to provide cookies and a kind but vague word of advice to the real characters before the credits roll. Hot moms, on the other hand, make themselves the main characters of their own stories; the “hotness” just serving as a visual indication that she refuses to conform to the old school mom stereotypes. And this doesn’t even have to mean tight dresses and lots of makeup – for a long time even just keeping long hair after getting married and having children was seen as kind of self indulgent.

In the latter half of the 20th century and into the 21st, we began getting stories that were willing to dig more into the psychology of the ‘bad hot mom’. While they were usually still pretty terrible parents, we started to get more insight into why they were behaving the way they were. Sometimes they were fun moms with a dark side like Kelly’s mom Jackie on Beverly Hills 90210. While Jackie at first seemed like a fun, stylish “cool mom,” it was soon revealed that she had a lot of problems lurking under the surface – and these issues in turn harmed Kelly in a big way. Jackie was contrasted against sweet homemaker and “good mom” Cindy, mother to Brenda and Brandon. Jackie tries but is reckless and restless, and seems to just be ‘holding on to her looks’ due to her desperation to find love.

The bad hot mom really came into her own in the early 2000s – and by this point, she had pretty much stopped caring about what anyone else had to say. Societal shifts began to change the expectations of moms. Now she should take care of the home, the kids, her husband, and kick ass at a high powered job – and she should look good doing it. Instead of it being a red flag, now “hotness” had started to become an expectation placed on all moms to some degree – and so the on screen evil hot mom had to get ratched up to match. Whether she was a ladder-climbing socialite, an aloof rich lady who often seemed to forget she even had kids, or a spy trying to kill the president, this new wave of hot moms didn’t have any problem focusing on the most important thing in their lives: themselves. They certainly still got flack for it, but… they didn’t really care.

“I let you do the scheming, clearly not your wheelhouse. From now on, if someone needs to be manipulated we put me in charge!” The O.C.

These moms often provided a satirical look at the fear of female agency that has underlied the trope from the beginning. And this new look at the trope happened in tandem with new explorations of what it meant to be a child free woman – another group that was vilified for not being sufficiently maternal (we’ve got a whole video on that you can check out if you want to learn more!) But as detached as they might often be from them, the hot moms do, by definition, have kids – and that has often led to a rather weird (and honestly kind of concerning) aspect of this trope…

A PROBLEMATIC SUB-TROPE…

There’s often an implication that “hot moms” are upsetting the natural order of things when they won’t recede into the background and let the younger women take the spotlight. And as a result, the bad “hot mom” is often portrayed as being in competition with her daughter, the younger, fresher version of herself.

“You know, I used to like punk in my day.” “Mom!” “Oh you’re right Marissa, it still is my day.” The O.C.

Their daughters are usually in the prime of their young adulthood, with all of the world’s possibilities still available to them. They’re “supposed to be” focusing on looking their best and living their best lives, and the mothers are “supposed to be” fading into the background. The ‘hot mom’, of course, isn’t down for this. There are always teen vs parent tensions on screen, just like in real life, but this trope often boils things down to a battle of desirability. As far back as OG “cougar” Mrs. Robinson, the trope has seen these moms attempting to situate themselves into the lives of younger people in an effort to reclaim their own youth – and this is often done through sexual means.

“You’re trying to seduce me Mrs. Robinson!” The Graduate

While Benjamin was an adult college grad, later versions of the trope often saw the hot mom becoming even more overtly sexual and going for younger and younger guys. Their daughters are often in high school, and so to supplant her the hot mom goes after her high school boyfriends.

This is part of a larger creepy trend of the ‘hot mom’ going after pretty much any younger guy that crosses her path – even if he’s still a teen.

“Hi, how was school?” “Got an A minus on my biology exam.” “Well let’s see what you’ve learned.” Desperate Housewives

It’s almost always played for laughs, or even seen as a win for the guy. But the age gaps and power dynamics are still messed up and definitely not okay. Not only are these relationships likely to have negative long term effects for the boys in them, but also for the hot mom’s own kids who find out about it.

CH 3: EMBRACING THE HOT MOM

As the bad hot moms moved from side to main characters on their shows, they began to get more actual story – and opportunities to be more than just hot. Even as far back as Married with Children’s Peggy Bundy, shows and films began flipping the evil hot mom trope with mothers that were attractive, and not perfect parents, but also decidedly not bad people.

“I wanted you to be proud of me, like those other kids are of their moms.” “But you’re not like other moms! I knew that the first day of kindergarten when I opened up my lunch box and I got a dollar bill and a road map to Burger King.” Married with Children

They showed that still having an interest in your own looks to some degree after having kids didn’t preclude you from being a loving mom.

Some stories also worked to unpack the actually bad hot mom and find the good (and usually still hot) mom hiding underneath. On The O.C. Marissa’s mother Julie is obsessed with looks and status, and will do whatever it takes to hold onto both. But over time, we find out that it’s not just a superficial drive – she grew up incredibly poor and clawed her way into wealth and high society and she’s not going to give it up. But this drive to gain security through wealth via her own good looks causes her to not always be the best parent.

“I know this place has everything we never had, and I know you’re afraid you’re gonna lose it all.” “I’m done!” “But what you want and what your daughter wants are two separate things!” “You don’t know what she wants!” “I know what she doesn’t want!” The O.C.

Over time, Julie and Marissa are able to find a deeper connection because they do truly care about one another – and Marissa realizes that many of Julie’s worst habits are the result of trying to look out for her. And Julie is also given the chance to grow as a person and cultivate her own strengths outside of just her looks (while still looking hot when she wants to.)

“No more manipulative bitch, no more scheming, no more double crossing… which will be a disappointment to some.” The O.C.

As society has become more accepting of the fact that women don’t turn to dust and blow away the moment they hit 30, we’ve also gotten more stories directly confronting the way that attractive women are still sometimes seen as a threat even when they haven’t done anything except… well, look hot.

“You think I don’t know what they’re thinking? “Ah, here comes the hot one with the big boobies that is gonna steal my husband.” Modern Family

Modern Family’s Gloria has to battle the evil hot mom and the evil second wife allegations from the very beginning. But she proves that she’s actually the most emotionally mature and open minded person in the family, and instead of breaking them apart is actually the one to pull them all back together.

“You are going to tell me what is wrong, and I’m gonna give you the right answer, because I have all of them.” Modern Family

Views on motherhood continue to evolve and expand, and women both on screen and in real life are accepting the fact that there’s no one single “right” way to look like or be a mother. It’s totally fine, and if anything actually really important, to continue to see yourself as a unique, individual human being even after getting married and having kids – and if focusing on your looks is a part of that, then so be it!

“Honey, what is your real hair color?” “I dunno… What’s yours?” “I dunno.” Married with Children

The ‘evil hot mom’ trope was borne out of a fear of female agency and of women owning their own sexuality as they aged, and so as times have changed this trope has finally started to fade as moms of all kinds have taken their place in the spotlight.

“But I’m here now and, hey, I’m like cheese.” “What?” “She gets better with time.” Gilmore Girls