She’s smart, beautiful, just Hollywood enough to feel aspirational but also just regular enough to feel relatable: she’s the 90s rom-com heroine. She’s got the job, the apartment, and group of friends that support her through the good and the bad. During the rom-com heyday of the 1990s, the rom-com heroine became the ‘every woman’ that audiences couldn’t help but love (even if they could be a little much sometimes.)
“But I’d like the pie heated, and I don’t want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side. And I’d like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it’s real. If it’s out of a can, then nothing.” When Harry Met Sally
But honestly, it was the fact that these women were flawed and didn’t always say or do the right thing that made them so easy to connect with. And the defining actresses of the genre during that decade possessed an inherent likeability that made these characters people we just had to root for, no matter how ridiculous their behavior.
“I have a confession. Another confession. Besides that I love you, this is even worse.” My Best Friend’s Wedding
But where did this rom-com heroin archetype come from? And why did the genre have such a major boom in the 90s? Let’s take a deeper look at the birth of this loveable character trope and how, as relatable as they might have been, they also gave audiences some pretty unrealistic expectations about love and how to get it.
The Evolution of the Rom-Com Heroine
First, let’s turn back the clock for just a second to get a better idea of the leading ladies that paved the way for our 90s faves. From William Shakespeare to the earliest days of cinema, romantic comedies have been around forever – and thus, so has the rom-com heroine. In the 1930s and 40s, she was headstrong and usually more intelligent than her male love interests. In these “screwball comedies,” actresses like Katharine Hepburn exemplified endless wit in their protagonists, who often weren’t concerned with likability.
“I’m such an unholy mess of a girl.” The Philadelphia Story
This era’s heroines didn’t care about pleasing anyone, let alone a man. (Though they did still always manage to get their guy in the end!) Moving into the 50s-60s, the heroines of the “radical romantic comedy” were glamorous but still feisty, often having to compete against men in some capacity while still retaining a “feminine” charm. Leading ladies were generally split into archetypes, like the blonde and bubbly Marilyn Monroe and the sophisticated and demure Audrey Hepburn.
“Do I detect a look of disapproval in your eye? Tough beans, buddy, ‘cause that’s the way it’s gonna be.” Breakfast at Tiffany’s
But their looks weren’t the only attractive thing about them. They kept up with and surpassed the male protagonists when it came to the battle of the sexes, witty banter, and frank discussions about love and sex.
This continued into the cynical 70s with classics like Annie Hall which questioned the very existence of true love and the dynamics of male-female relationships, particularly when it came to sexual freedom. And unlike the films of eras past, the couple didn’t always end up together. Throughout the 1980s, we saw more comedy than romance but still had recognizable heroines at the helm. Molly Ringwald, known for quintessential teen rom-coms Sixteen Candles and Pretty in Pink, played insecure heroines that young women could really relate to – and who endured various hardships but still got their happy ending.
“You said you couldn’t be with someone who didn’t believe in you. Well, I believed in you. I just didn’t believe in me.” Pretty in Pink
They were compelling because they were authentic, beautiful in their own unique ways. And then came the 90s!
The 90s Rom-Com Icons: A New Kind of Heroine
Thanks to the societal advances of the previous decades, women in the 90s were doing it all (or at least trying to) – high powered jobs, nice apartments, dating, making their own way in the world; the world was their oyster, and also… pretty stressful. This real-life shift ushered in a new kind of rom-com heroine: she had quirks and agency, but also deep down was still holding onto some more old fashioned ideas about love. She melded the newfound financial freedom of the 80s heroines with the ‘I do what I want’ attitude of the 40s heroines, but still wanted to be swept off her feet like a 60s heroine. She also got to have new multitudes of complexity in her character – she had way more going on in her life than just hunting for a boyfriend. They were quirky, self-assured, and sometimes even straight up skeptical of love – and, importantly, never afraid to speak their mind.
“Romantic? Hemingway? He was an abusive, alcoholic misogynist who squandered half of his life hanging around Picasso trying to nail his leftovers.” 10 Things I Hate About You
Rom-coms have long been written off as ‘unserious’, sappy love stories, but when done right they’re really explorations of human connection, loneliness, and self-discovery. One of the biggest game changers for getting people to begin to appreciate how deep and important rom-coms could be was writer and journalist Nora Ephron. In the 80s, she started bringing her vulnerable, intelligent female leads who always managed to feel deeply relatable to the big screen. In her 1989 groundbreaking classic When Harry Met Sally – arguably the most beloved romantic comedy in cinematic history, and which set the stage for the 90s boom – Meg Ryan stars as ambitious New York journalist Sally Albright. The film famously questioned whether or not men and women could have platonic friendships.
“Men and women can’t be friends, ‘cause the sex part always gets in the way.” “That’s not true, I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.” “You don’t.” When Harry Met Sally
Sally’s neurotic yet optimistic outlook clashed with the cynical personality of Billy Crystal’s Harry, a curmudgeonly divorcee who criticizes her “high maintenance” ways, which we’re supposed to see as her biggest flaw. But Ryan’s undeniable charm made Sally not only someone we wanted to be friends with but someone we wanted to be. Harry was funny and down to earth but wasn’t exactly a knight and shining armor. And because of her outspoken nature, she didn’t hesitate to call him out when he crossed a line. Their story of blossoming romance built on a solid foundation of friendship and not just some instant movie attraction was pretty radical, and also deeply desirable.
“When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.” When Harry Met Sally
Sally was the type-A workaholic married to her career who seemingly had everything in life figured out except love, a trope we still see in rom-coms today. Being career-oriented was a desirable trait generally and made sense narratively since it allowed the characters to work in creative, rewarding fields (often a writer of some sort.) She was authentic because Ephron, a former journalist, modeled Sally after herself, infusing the character with some of her own traits. We see this again years later in Sleepless in Seattle, another Meg Ryan-led hit, which follows Annie Reed, an endearing Baltimore-based reporter who “falls in love” with a widower after he lovingly talks about his wife on the radio. Meanwhile, she’s still in a relationship with a man she settled for but still longing for something magical, a classically cinematic fairytale.
“You don’t want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie.” Sleepless in Seattle
Another iconic Ephron-written Ryan role is Kathleen Kelly, independent bookstore owner of “The Shop Around The Corner” in the 1998 hit You’ve Got Mail. It’s a classic “enemies to lovers” story written for the then-new age of the internet. Kathleen’s whole vibe radiates coziness, living a quaint yet whimsical life bookish audiences could only dream of. Like her previous characters, she’s genuinely kind and strong-minded, attributes the actress always fully embodied and made familiar. And even though the ending, where chain store owner Joe Fox puts Kathleen out of business before finally revealing himself to be her AOL penpal, isn’t all that romantic in hindsight, it’s still a tearjerker of an ending starring two rom-com legends.
“I wanted it to be you. I wanted it to be you so badly.” You’ve Got Mail
In contrast to the cute, grounded heroines of Meg Ryan, Julia Roberts played women who were a little less relatable and more aspirational – and a lot of fun to watch. In 1990’s Pretty Woman, she starred as Vivian Ward, a free-spirited working girl who finds herself stepping into a Cinderella fantasy. Even though she wasn’t ashamed of her profession, others – including Richard Gere’s Edward Lewis – clearly looked down on her.
“You work on commission, right? Big mistake. Big. Huge.” Pretty Woman
But even as Edward tried to change and mold her to fit into his world, she remained herself – albeit with more refined clothing and makeup. Importantly, she wasn’t a damsel in distress, the two rescued each other – and Vivian wasn’t going to settle.
“I want the fairy tale.” Pretty Woman
Roberts regularly led these wish-fulfillment types of movies, playing a “cool girl” who was irresistible, even at her worst. In 1997’s My Best Friend’s Wedding, the whole plot is driven by Julianne’s anxiety about being (gasp) 28 without a significant other. Because this was the 90s, not being married by 30 seemed like basically worse than death – so when they were younger, Julianne and her best friend Michael had made a pact that if they weren’t married by 28, they’d marry each other. But while Julianne is single, Michael isn’t – he’s engaged to the much younger Kimmy. This movie actually subverted many long-standing rom-com tropes: the heroine wasn’t always right, the ‘rival’ love interest was a nice person, and Julianne didn’t get the guy in the end. But this wasn’t a downer because she found personal growth instead.
Teaming up again with Richard Gere, Roberts starred as Maggie Carpenter in 1999’s Runaway Bride, the titular commitment-phobe who is so beautiful and alluring that she has no trouble in finding a man to marry. But it’s her who can’t manage actually going through with marriage herself. That is until columnist Ike Graham helps her break the cycle by looking inside herself to confront the source of her cold feet. That same year, Roberts dominated the screen again in Notting Hill. This time she’s not even close to a ‘relatable every woman’ – she’s mega famous actress Anna Scott who wants to trade in her hectic, paparazzi-laden life for a simpler one with Hugh Grant’s William Thacker.
“I’m also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.” Notting Hill
While Meg and Julia were major players in the romcom game during the 90s, there were a whole slew of actresses that took on iconic rom-com heroine roles as Hollywood started to realize how lucrative it could be. And while all of these films came together to build an enduring, relatable movie archetype, they definitely weren’t without their flaws.
Not Fairytale Perfect…
Every genre has its problems and blindspots – the things that, in hindsight, are actually not so great – and that’s of course true for the 90s rom-com boom as well. One glaring thing is the lack of diversity among these heroines. It’s no secret that Hollywood didn’t (and, to be honest, still doesn’t) create nearly the same depth or breadth of films showcasing women of color or who aren’t heterosexual. During this era we saw the rise of the Black Best Friend trope – like Stacey Dash in Clueless and Gabrielle Union in She’s All That and 10 Things I Hate About You – who weren’t the main characters but instead there to help the main characters along on their journeys. But there were actresses who began breaking free from this and moving to center stage, like Angela Basset’s turn as the titular Stella in the iconic How Stella Got Her Groove Back and Nia Long in Love Jones as well as The Best Man (along with Sanaa Lathan, Regina Hall, and Melissa De Sousa).
“Oh, please.” “Admit it.” “From the guy who made a midnight run to the video store and came back with Booty Call and The Lion King?” How Stella Got Her Groove Back
Their characters helped spark growth that opened the genre up to more diverse leading ladies in the 2000s. The genre also saw changes in its inclusion of different sexualities as the decade neared its end, with rom-coms like But I’m a Cheerleader and Better Than Chocolate showcasing women falling in love with women.
And looking back, many of the men in those 90s rom-coms weren’t actually the Prince Charmings we thought they were. Their kind of unhinged tactics in the name of love normalized and romanticized toxic behaviors from “tenacious” guys, like stalking, love bombing, gaslighting, and the cliche of intentional deception – only wooing women because of a bet or a dare.
For young women, millennials in particular who were of impressionable age, 90s rom-coms were essential to forming unrealistic expectations for love, relationships, and ourselves. Being a successful 20-something would be working a media-related job, usually in a big city like NYC, that affords you enough money to live in an unrealistically spacious and comfortable apartment, always hang out with friends, and constantly be shopping. According to the rom-coms, these are the women who find love. You don’t want to be a “difficult woman” but a cool “not like other girls” girl who could always eat and drink without consequences and never nagged or complained.
We’ll Love Them Forever
Just like their iconic heroines, 90s rom-coms were certainly imperfect, but that was also part of their charm. While we might cringe at some aspects of the storylines now, the relatable core of the heroines leading these films is what has allowed them to continue to find their place in the hearts of generation after generation. And these 90’s heroines also set up the archetype that the iconic rom-com heroines of the early 2000s and 2010s would both fall into and try to rebel against.
The rom-coms of the 90s had the perfect mix of realism and schmaltz to stick in our hearts and minds – even if we know they aren’t realistic, that doesn’t mean we can’t enjoy disappearing into those over-the-top, romantic worlds for a few hours. It’s more than okay to love the heightened reality of romantic comedies – the epic declarations of love, kissing in the rain, last minute airport or wedding confessions, pining for the “wrong” person until you find the right one. They were made to appeal to our innermost desire for something wholesome and formulaic, and to our belief that no matter how disconnected we might feel, one day we’ll find someone that relights that fire in our hearts.