Some of the best love stories of all time are tales of star-crossed lovers, opposites with an intense passion for one another and seem to have the odds stacked against them. The term itself comes from one of the most famous examples of the trope: Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. We love these love stories and often want the star crossed lovers to be together… but perhaps part of the reason we are so drawn to these stories is because there is something cathartic about seeing when things don’t work out…

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Some of the best love stories of all time are tales of star-crossed lovers. The term itself comes from one of the most famous examples of the trope: Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet — It’s a template for a story that we keep returning to and re-interpreting, always with a few common traits:

The star-crossed lovers’ passion is intense: because they know the odds are stacked against them, they seize upon the brief moments that they do get to spend together. The star-crossed lovers are opposites: they come from different worlds or are on different paths, and if it weren’t for their love story, these characters wouldn’t have ordinarily met.

And they’re each other’s saviors: in the star-crossed lovers trope, there’s often a sense that these characters are looking for something to complete them. They are usually on a path that they don’t want to be on, and their love helps guide them forward toward the person they truly want to be or feel they are deep down

Jack : “They’ve got you trapped Rose, and you’re gonna die if you don’t break free.” – Titanic

We love these love stories and often want the star crossed lovers to be together… but perhaps part of the reason we are so drawn to these stories is because there is something cathartic about seeing when things don’t work out. There are still valuable lessons for us to learn in love stories that last only briefly – in fact, sometimes these relationships are more intense and impactful because of their brevity. Here’s our take on what makes star-crossed lovers so enduring and what we can learn from these tragic stories.

The archetypical star-crossed lovers, like Romeo and Juliet, are kept apart for societal reasons totally beyond their control. What strikes them (and us) as so unfair is that – in an ideal world – there really shouldn’t be anything stopping them from being together. The main obstacle they need to overcome is the prejudices of others. In Romeo and Juliet, the tragedy of their death hammers home just how futile and toxic the war between the Montagues and the Capulets is.

In modern tellings, these stories of star-crossed lovers help highlight senseless societal divisions. In West Side Story, Maria and Tony cannot be together because they belong to different ethnic groups who are entrenched in a bitter gang war. They try to overcome the racism that keeps them apart, but their love isn’t enough to soften others’ hatred: and when Tony dies in Maria’s arms, she loses her faith in society.

In Hancock, we learn that Hancock and Mary were subject to a racially motivated attack, leading Hancock to wake up with amnesia, and the couple to separate. They continue to be drawn together, but society always keeps them apart. And in Titanic, Rose isn’t allowed to spend time with Jack because of their different socioeconomic classes.

Caledon Hockley: “Where are you going? To him? Is that it? To be a whore to that gutter rat?” – Titanic

In queer stories of star-crossed lovers, society often refuses to even acknowledge the couples legitimately; they must hide away from society if they want their love to survive. In Brokeback Mountain, Ennis fears that he can only safely be with Jack on Brokeback Mountain, away from the eyes of society. And in Portrait of a Lady On Fire, Marianne and Heloise’s affair is consigned to the house in Brittany, during the weeks that they spent together preparing the portrait for her upcoming marriage. In both films, the couples share a romance that is intense and highly charged, but they know from the outset that this relationship is risky and probably without a future. The titular painting in Portrait of a Lady on Fire captures this tension perfectly: the fire represents the passion and energy of their relationship, but also the danger of it, and the fact that it can’t last forever.

Marianne: “When you asked if I had known love. I could tell the answer was yes. And that it was now.” – Portrait of a Lady On Fire

And in both stories, the lovers’ fears prove well-founded as they are forced apart by society – Jack is tragically killed (it’s implied due to homophobia), and Marianne and Heloise never meet again after Marianne finishes the portrait and Heloise marries a nobleman. But both couples leave something behind, a talisman that allows them to carry their love story forward – the heartbreaking final image of Brokeback Mountain is Ennis tending to Jack’s shirt, and Portrait of a Lady on Fire ends with Marianne noticing that, in a new portrait of Heloise and her daughter, Heloise is holding the book Marianne gave her in Brittany. These talismans act as proof that their love existed, even if everyone else denied that, and it ended too soon. Society may have succeeded in separating these couples, but it can’t erase the fact that they loved each other.

Some lovers are also star-crossed due to more internal obstacles – they’re pulled apart not just by external factors and the expectations of others, but also by their own needs and desires, or by being on different paths in life. Rick and Ilsa in Casablanca can’t help falling for each other in Paris, before external reality intervenes. But in the end, the couple could choose their love over everything else – it’s just that they realize the right thing to do is to prioritize their duties, however much it makes them suffer.

In Fleabag, the protagonist’s relationship with the “Hot Priest’’ is similarly thwarted by his commitment to God. Tons of on screen pairings are plagued by “bad timing”, which may in the end be overcome, but may not – especially if there’s a big age difference. In Harold and Maude, while young Harold is given a new lease on life by Maude, Maude is at the end of hers

Harold: “I love you.”

Maude: “Go and love some more.” – Harold and Maude

And in Friends, Monica and Richard know they don’t have a future because of their age gap – Monica wants a family, but Richard’s already had his. These “different paths” can be heightened in some stories by supernatural factors. In The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Benjamin cannot be with Daisy because he ages backwards, and they are only the same age for a small window. In Last Christmas, Kat falls in love with the ghost of the man whose heart was transplanted into her body to save her life. And in City of Angels, an angel who falls in love with a human gives up his angel form to be with her, only for her to die soon after.

Far less surreal love stories are also cut short simply due to factors no one can change – like one partner’s death – and there isn’t anyone to blame except, truly, the stars. These stories reveal how difficult it can be for love to flourish if the environment is wrong. We like to believe that true love can overcome anything, but the star-crossed lovers trope recognizes that it’s more complicated – and even that, sometimes, choosing love at all costs would mean not being true to one’s deeper self, life goals, or values.

Fleabag : “I love you.”

The Priest: “It’ll pass.” – Fleabag

In Brief Encounter, it feels like love at first sight for Laura and Alec. Their first interaction, Alec helping Laura remove some grit from her eye, acts as a metaphor for him pulling her out of the doldrums of her life with her husband. They come alive together, but ultimately, they know that to make their relationship last, they would have to dismantle their lives – they would both have to get divorced, and Laura would have to move to South Africa and leave behind everything to follow Alec. So they are not at a point in their lives where they can fully commit to the other – but that doesn’t mean the strength of their feelings is ever in question.

Similarly, in The Butterfly Effect, Evan and his childhood sweetheart Kayleigh have a strong connection. But after traveling through alternate timelines, he realizes that her life would be much better without him in it. So Evan chooses to sacrifice their relationship for her wellbeing – he cuts their love story short as an act of love.

Evan: “Would it make any difference if I told you that no one could possibly love anyone as much as I love you?” – The Butterfly Effect

In Normal People, the young central couple has to overcome a number of (mostly internalized) obstacles keeping them from admitting how much they want to be together. But after they at last do that and stop getting in their own way, they become a “different paths” couple. Their individual journeys require them to live in different places to properly develop as young adults finding themselves, and it’s unknown whether these life paths will ever come back together.

Love has been an immensely crucial part of shaping who they are, but to prioritize that love at the expense of each following their individual growth wouldn’t be right. Together these stories convey a confusing truth: that true romantic love is deeply precious, rare and must be nurtured and protected – and yet, it’s also not the only (or even always the most) important thing in life.

Although star-crossed lovers rarely meet at the right time or place to end up together, they do meet at exactly the right time to get the most out of their relationship. The love they shared, for the time they shared it, is what’s important. Elio and Oliver’s summer relationship in Call Me By Your Name is brief, but instead of focusing on the tragedy of its briefness or Oliver’s decision to marry a woman, the film focuses on the joy and meaning their connection brought to Elio.

If at least one of the star-crossed lovers survives, they’re forever impacted by the other person – so in that way the love does live on permanently. And the condensed timelines of these relationships seems to make them more profound in their impact. Gus and Hazel’s relationship in The Fault In Our Stars is really all about Hazel finding a reason to live. Before they meet, she is depressed and defeated by her illness, but Gus gives her a new outlook on life, and so while their relationship ends, she is forever changed by it

Gus: “Maybe she wasn’t loved widely, but she was loved deeply, and isn’t that more than most of us get?” – The Fault In Our Stars

And the same is true of Jack and Rose in Titanic. Before they meet, Rose is suicidal, trapped in a relationship with a man she doesn’t love. But Jack sees who she truly is and draws her out. She becomes braver, happier, and transforms into a whole new person – and even though Jack didn’t survive, she takes his name when she gets to America – as if he lives on as a part of her.

In examples from Casablanca and Harold and Maude to Normal People, likewise, the story doesn’t just end with sadness, but with appreciation for the couples’ bond. Even in the frustrating stories about hateful society denying love, we’re still left with awe for the love at the center. Society romanticizes the idea of soul mates, twin flames, or finding the one. But the star crossed lovers trope reminds us that even if we do find them, that’s no guarantee we get to enjoy them together.

While we tend to fixate on “happily ever afters”, all these stories remind us that ultimately the ending isn’t the most important thing. Experiencing a love as true and pure as these couples do is a gift, for any amount of time – and if we should ever be so lucky, we should cherish it.