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Quick Answer: Absolutely Fabulous, the beloved British TV show and now movie, is a wealth of comedic talent. From Jennifer Saunder’s selfish and immature Edina to the absentminded Bubbles, AbFab is brimming with hilarity. But which character is the best? Ultimately, it’s Eddy’s best friend Patsy who takes the cake. With her deadpan one-liners and caustic commentary, Patsy is easily the most quick-witted character on the show. The fact that she is completely lacking in morals or self-control make her all the more depraved, envelope-pushing, and hilarious.

The brainchild of Dawn French and Jennifer Saunders, Absolutely Fabulous (1992 - 2012) is a beloved institution of British television (and now a movie). Originally based on a skit from the pair’s sketch comedy show French & Saunders (1987 - 2007), AbFab has featured dozens of celebrity cameos, including Minnie Driver, Sir Elton John, La Roux, Helena Bonham Carter, Miranda Hart, Idris Elba, Stella McCartney, and Naomi Campbell, to name a few. Though Saunders and her co-star Joanna Lumley are both masters of their craft, the show is overwhelmed with comedic talent. Surely only one character can reign supreme. So who is it?

Saunders plays Edina Monsoon, the twice-divorced single mother and P.R. rep who seems less than adequate at her job. Although she claims to be up-to-date on all the modern fashion trends and purports to only wear designer labels, her clothes are often overly patterned and mismatched, causing her to bear more resemblance to an ill-dressed doll than an adept businesswoman.

Saunders has said that the characters of Eddy and her best friend Patsy Stone (Joanna Lumley) were written to have no redeeming qualities. This is seen easily in Eddy’s interactions with her daughter Saffron (Julia Sawalha). The relationship between the two is reversed, with Saffron being the mature, straight-laced, and dependable adult figure to Eddy’s selfish and childish character.

Saffy: I need to speak to you. What are you smirking at? Do you think this is funny? You might have rung and let me know what you were doing.
Eddy: I was too busy doing it, darling. What’s the matter? You jealous?
Saffy: No, worried. (“Magazine,” S1:E5)

More often than not, Saffy scolds her mother for her irresponsible behavior, while Eddy throws tantrums in an attempt to get what she wants or goes on long (and wonderfully funny) rants.

Eddy: Is that what you really want me to be, darling? Normal? Some boring, old, normal, old, toilet-goer? Hmmm? ‘Where’s mummy?’ ‘She’s on the toilet.’ ‘But I want to go somewhere interesting and meet exciting people!’ ‘Well she can’t take you while she’s on the bloody toilet.’ ‘Anybody can go to the toilet, darling,’ they say. (“Fashion,” S1:E1)

While Saffy is mostly the foil for Eddy and the butt of her jokes, she does have some of her mother’s sharp criticisms and a quick, bitter wit that is all her own.

Patsy: I should have sued. I was cut to ribbons, scarred for life.
Saffy: Extraordinary how it managed to hit you in exactly the same place behind each ear. (“New Best Friend,” S2:E4)

Meanwhile, Eddy’s mother (June Whitfield) is a warm, forgetful housewife who has caustic but well-meaning exchanges with her daughter. She’s spent most of her life telling Eddy that she’s overweight. In turn, Eddy refers to her mother as “old woman.” She helps keep Saffy company and likes to pilfer things from her daughter’s house to sell at the local charity shop. In addition to her sarcastic witticisms, Eddy’s mother has the tendency to drop the occasional line that can make the audience stop in its tracks.

Gran: Once you get stuck in a porn cycle you can be there for days. (“Parralox,” S4:E1)

Another one of the show’s most delightful characters is Eddy’s secretary, the mindless and forgetful Bubble (Jane Horrocks). Given her absentmindedness and terrible fashion sense, she’s almost entirely useless as a P.A. She can never remember what anything is called, often loses track of conversations, misunderstands the simplest of instructions, and is easily confused. Though Bubble’s dimwittedness would be aggravating in real life, it’s a comedic goldmine in AbFab.

Bubble: Most of it, yeah. Oh yeah, until that special thing broke (…) The thing that’s attached to the typewriter. Little animal with a ball (….) Little animal. Small. Creeps about. Not a rat (….) The mouse! That’s got a telly with VD (….) That fell off the table when I took the mouse home (….)
Eddy: You broke the computer?
Bubble: Yeah.
Eddy: When?
Bubble: Who can say? (“Morocco,” S2:E3)

But of all the characters on the show, it’s Eddy’s best friend Patsy who takes the cake. Born to a hippy mother who felt children would cramp her style, Patsy was often cared for by Eddy’s mother. In her younger years she worked jobs as a model despite her lack of talent by feigning nepotistic relationships. In the 1970s she had a sex change in Morocco, which subsequently failed when “it fell off.” She eventually landed the position of Fashion Editor at a prominent London magazine by sleeping with the publisher. Because of her upbringing and lifestyle, some common things are completely foreign to Patsy, resulting in hilarious hijinks.

Patsy as “Pat” in “Morocco”

Her banter with Eddy – particularly in conversations with or about Saffy – is truly a highlight of the show. The two are often ridiculously cruel to Saffy, channeling the attitude that you might expect teenage cheerleaders to have toward a less popular girl. Having the pair work together to set up and build to the final joke is a treat to watch, as the back and forth is so organic and vicious. More often than not, it is Patsy who pushes the envelope, propelling the conversation from normal ribbing to over-the-top and often unexpected comparisons.

Saffy: My life is like a constant winter.
Edina: Yeah, well she never thawed, did she?
Patsy: Rigor mortis set into her in puberty.
Edina: She’s so cold, I bet she has her period in cubes. (“Small Openings,” S4:E5)

Despite the many similarities between the two best friends, Patsy tends to take everything to the extreme, making her outrageously fun to watch. Patsy is an alcoholic and a heavy drug user with a proclivity towards young or famous men. She makes wild claims that persist over the show’s run, such as her insistence that she is 42 (something she argues for more than ten years) and that she hasn’t eaten since 1973. And of course, she hates Saffy. Whereas Eddy is merely selfish, Patsy is completely self-centered and immoral to the detriment of everyone around her, including Eddy.

What makes Patsy such a fan favorite are her creative insults, comebacks and one-liners that are delivered with deadpan perfection. For those of you that have any doubts, here’s a sampling of some classic Patsy zingers:

“The last mosquito that bit me had to check into the Betty Ford clinic.” (“France,” S1:E3)

“She was so anally retentive she couldn’t sit down for fear of sucking up the furniture.” (“New Best Friend,” S2:E4)

“I told her the only thing she looked good in is a body bag.” (“Birthday,” S1:E6)

“I hate gynecologists – a man who can always look you in the vagina but never in the eye.” (“Menopause,” S4:E6)

Despite years of substance abuse, Patsy somehow manages to be the most quick-witted character on the show. And because she has absolutely no morals, she’ll say just about anything. While this is not a quality people generally find admirable in real life, it leads to moments of unexpected hilarity on AbFab.

Of course, there are other great characters on the show. From Eddy’s ex-husbands and their new partners, to Saffy’s friends, to Patsy’s colleagues, the show is rounded out with many unique, fully realized, and highly entertaining characters. But none is as quick-witted or wickedly funny as Patsy.