How does “The Meddler” demonstrate the effects of grief?
Quick Answer: The Meddler presents three individuals who have been stunted by grief, loss or separation: Marnie, a widow who can’t come to terms with the death of her husband; her suitor Zipper, who is divorced and has an estranged daughter; and her daughter Lori, who is navigating a negative relationship while contending with her mother’s constant meddling. Through these characters, we see the ways in which emotional bruises can impede one’s ability to truly connect with those closest to us. It is only through the process of bereavement and healing that they can achieve a more promising future.
In The Meddler (2016), writer-director Lorene Scafaria presents three individuals who have been stunted by grief, loss or separation. Marnie (Susan Sarandon) is a widow who can’t come to terms with the loss of her husband, Joe. She compensates by inserting herself into her grown daughter’s everyday life, and also into those of offspring substitutes. Even though she seeks out tenuous relationships with surrogate children, Marnie runs away from male suitors who offer potentially deeper connections. One of them, Zipper (J. K. Simmons), is divorced and needs to reestablish ties with one of his daughters. Marnie’s daughter Lori (Rose Byrne), too, has trouble getting beyond the loss of her father. Instead she clings to a superficial relationship with a man who does not truly care for her. Through these characters, we see the ways in which emotional bruises can impede one’s ability to truly connect with those closest to us. It is only through the process of bereavement and healing that they can achieve a more promising future.
Susan Sarandon in The Meddler
When we first meet Marnie, she can’t seem to let go of her pst. She’s been stunted by an unhealthy attachment to her deceased relatives, especially her late husband. Marnie can’t seem to handle any additional passing of time since her husband’s death. When asked how long ago he passed away, she says it has been a year, when in reality it has been two. Marnie wants to put off talking about disposing of her husband’s ashes or ordering a grave marker, illustrating her reluctance to let go of the past. Marnie even uses his driver’s license instead of hers, which, in a way, keeps him alive for her. Her husband’s car, which she still has, is eventually stolen, representing the need for her to move on. Perhaps the most extreme example of Marnie’s unwillingness to move forward in life is her behavior at the movie theater, where she still buys tickets for her deceased mother and husband.
Marnie’s bond with her adult daughter, Lori, has become strained because she still treats her like a child. Although Lori needs her mother—she asks her for a ride to the airport and wants her to take care of her dogs—she also wants her to respect her boundaries as an adult. Marnie calls Lori constantly and enrages her when she shows up at her house, going so far as to surprise her in the shower. Much to Lori’s chagrin, Marnie feels justified that she doesn’t have to call for permission to visit since she has the key to her daughter’s place. She even tries to find out what Lori says in confidence to her psychologist. Though theirs is the central relationship of the film, the bond between Marnie and Lori is tense in the wake of Joe’s death.
Rose Byrne in The Meddler
When Lori travels to New York for a few weeks to shoot a TV pilot she has written, Marnie attempts to fill the maternal void by mothering others. She encourages a young Apple store employee named Freddy (Jerrod Carmichael) to go to college and even drives him to his classes. When she finds out a young lesbian mother (Cecily Strong)—and, as it happens, an acquaintance of her daughter—can’t pay for the wedding of her dreams, she offers to foot the bill. She also offers to babysit. The urgency of Marnie’s desire to replace the void in her own family is shown by her trying to make immediate connections with relative strangers. For example, she doesn’t even know the bride-to-be’s last name and at one point calls her “what’s her name.” She truly wants to help these young people, but Lori’s psychologist infers that she may be giving away the money left to her by her husband because she feels guilty by benefitting financially from his death. She wants to forge connections, but she also may be afraid of the pain which comes when those relationships inevitably come to an end. This reason may be why she seeks out strangers as surrogate children. It certainly demonstrates why she literally runs away from potential love interests, such as Mark (Michael McKean), and, initially, the ex-cop Zipper.
Zipper is another character who has broken ties with family. He is divorced and is reluctant to contact one of his estranged daughters who lives nearby. Marnie’s meddling here is positive, as she encourages him to contact his daughter. It’s also significant to point out that Zipper raises chickens. Just as Marnie mothers surrogate children, these birds function as a sort of substitute family for Zipper. The chickens echo his desire for nesting, their eggs indicating his hope to return to parenting.
Susan Sarandon and J.K. Simmons in The Meddler
In her own way, Lori mirrors her mom’s journey away from superficial, inhibitive connections and towards more positive ones. For Lori, that negative relationship is with Jacob (Jason Ritter), an actor who, although he no longer has feelings for her, continues to sleep with Lori and take advantage of her desire to hold onto past intimacy. This skeevy behavior is compounded by the fact that he’s involved with another woman.
Lori’s need for her mother arises when she thinks she may be pregnant. She asks her mother to bring over some pregnancy tests, which turn out to be positive. This delights Marnie, who had been referring to the childless Lori’s pets as her “granddogs,” not unlike Zipper’s familial substitutes: his chickens. The pair are both happy about the pregnancy because it represents something in the future to look forward to. Their hopes are temporarily dashed when the blood test concludes that Lori is in fact not pregnant, a mishap that’s explained when Lori discovers that her mother accidentally bought an ovulation testing kit. They share a laugh, and, even though Lori isn’t pregnant, the positive fertility test points to an optimistic possibility of future family members.
Susan Sarandon and Rose Byrne in The Meddler
In the end, Marnie is eventually able to throw away her husband’s ashes, symbolically freeing herself from the confining link to the past. She also makes the commitment to enter into a new emotional bond when she kisses Zipper and they agree to meet for a date. Additionally, Marnie is able to forge a new connection with her daughter. She ceases constantly calling Lori, who now leaves numerous concerned messages on Marnie’s cell phone. After making amends with one another and experiencing the much-needed catharsis of mourning and closure, the two can finally enjoy a deep, meddle-free connection.