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The Bates family is anything but normal. One of Bates Motel (2013)‘s greatest strengths is the way it illustrates how Norman Bates (Freddie Highmore) transforms from a fairly compassionate and docile youth into the psychotic serial killer we see in Hitchcock’s Psycho (1960). The series also sheds a new light on Norma (Vera Farmiga), his mother, giving her more depth and layers than the original domineering, awful monster of Psycho ever displayed. The series is as much Norma’s as her son’s, as many of the problems for Norman (and most of the other major characters) stem from Norma.

A lot of those problems are psychological and result from traumatic events. Many men have buried their face in Norma’s bosom on Bates Motel, both figuratively and literally. She’s the penultimate nurturer and ends up a point of coddling comfort for everyone at some point in the series. Norman is the most frequent recipient, of course, but Norma’s other son Dylan (Max Thieriot), Sheriff Romero (Nestor Carbonell), and Norma’s brother Caleb (Kenny Johnson) have all found their bodies pressed into the warm embrace of Norma’s motherly spirit as they use her to find solace.

Caleb is a particularly complex character. He’s first introduced by Norma through stories—tales of their childhood together under an abusive father and depressed mother, when Caleb used to compound the terror by regularly raping her. She presents him as the picture of evil, and when he finally shows up on the series, the audience holds him in that same regard. Norma isn’t exactly a picture of honesty, but since it’s the only side of the story given, it’s our initial impression of Caleb.

It doesn’t take long for the show to give us a big reveal: not only did Caleb rape Norma as she said, but he’s Dylan’s father. Norma got married as a teenager to hide the pregnancy, pretending it belonged to her husband and not her brother. The family disarray becomes even deeper, and Norman and Dylan cast Caleb out.

As time passes, Caleb works his way back into Dylan’s life. The two get to know each other, and Caleb shows genuine regret for the things he did as a teen. It’s obviously destroyed him as a person, and he holds it inside, legitimately uninterested in causing Norma or her children any more harm. Dylan begins to understand what Caleb’s and Norma’s childhood was like and starts to appreciate the remorse Caleb feels, and the two open up to one another. Caleb hides this from the rest of the family at first, but it doesn’t stay quiet forever.

What’s interesting, and likely intentional, is the parallel the show quietly draws between Norman and Caleb. Caleb explains that when he and Norma were kids, their parents were awful. Abuse, neglect, and torment were the things defining their lives. The only comfort they had was each other. Adolescence is a confusing and insecure time for anyone, and their situation compounded it. The bright spot in Caleb’s life was Norma, and as the only positive thing he had to cling to, he sought comfort in her beyond the limits of typical family acceptance. As an adult, he realizes what he did to Norma was awful, but as a teen, he simply loved her and wanted to love her fully.

The series never attempts to justify Caleb’s behavior, but it does foster an understanding of how it could have happened.

Norman’s relationship with his mother borders on those same lines. He’s 18 years old, but they often still sleep in the same bed. The way they talk about and look at each other is uncomfortable. And by the end of Season Three, Norman admits he has a bit of an Oedpius complex with his mother. She shuts it down, but both of them deep down know it’s real. Their closeness goes beyond any standard understanding of a mother-son relationship, as they see each other as the only sources of positivity in each others’ lives—much like Caleb and Norma did as children. Norman also hates Caleb and is adamantly unwilling to forgive what he did to Norma, talking as her protector and lover and also perhaps subconsciously recognizing his own feelings towards her. Accepting Caleb would mean accepting that part of himself, which he doesn’t want to do.

Caleb is showcased as the version of Norman that stepped over the line, whereas Norman hovers around it. Caleb went to the places Norman can’t bring himself to go—and while it ruined Caleb as a person, Norman isn’t emerging any more victorious. His repression of emotional urges and his inability to admit faults, coupled with his blindness to the awkward oddity of his relationship with his mother, help mold him into the psychopath we know he becomes. Norma is in similar denial about her relationship with Norman, saying it’s perfectly normal while she knows it’s not. But he’s the flip-side of Caleb; she makes up for her lack of emotion towards her brother with an abundance of it towards Norman.

It’s true that Norma is the “town mother” of sorts to the residents of White Pine Bay. As noted, many people beyond the scope of Norman and Caleb have looked to her for maternal support. But Caleb and Norman both take this need for nurturing to another level. Both are the products of violent, inappropriate upbringings that lead them to seek excessive comfort from Norma and form destructive, unhealthy habits of attachment.