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Some of Kurt Cobain: Montage of Heck’s (2015) most amazing material comes in the form of childhood movies with a tiny little Kurt living the life of a regular kid. Everyone knows about the complicated adult Cobain became, but never have we seen videos of an innocent, happy little blondie running around Aberdeen at a couple years old. Interviews with Kurt’s family members, particularly his mother, recount what a sweet and caring person he was as a small boy. The videos of his early years look like the childhood home videos of any happy young boy, filled with laughter, play, community, and goodness. His mother revisits her memories with lighthearted joy that can be heard in her voice.

But when discussion of Kurt’s teenage years come around, the tone shifts. His mother and father got divorced, and that deeply embarrassed him. The way Kurt’s family remembers him as a child isn’t the same as their recollections of Kurt the teenager. Even the way his family members talk about those years changes. The exaltation and fondness heard in their voices turns apologetic as they recount passing him back and forth between separated parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. He was difficult to control, determined to rebel, and nobody wanted him in their house for more than a few weeks at a time. The look in his father’s eyes is intense, as if he still hasn’t forgiven himself for the lack of support he and the rest of the family provided during formative years. In one of the final comments about his childhood, Kurt’s stepmother says “I don’t know how anybody deals with having your whole family reject you.”

And there it is.

It’s a sentence that, as the story of his life moves forward, holds a lot of weight. It colors many of the statements that come after it, like when bandmate Krist Novoselic says “Kurt hated being humiliated. He HATED it.” One of Kurt’s journal entries contains the line “I love my parents yet I disagree with merely everything they stand for.” As Nirvana gained success and Kurt dodged interviews, he would say everything anyone needs to know is in the music. He didn’t want to say anything more. He didn’t want any of his words causing him humiliation.

Kurt’s life really provides the answer to his stepmother - he never did deal with having his whole family reject him, and it birthed a fear of rejection that carried through everything in his remaining years, colored his music and public persona, led to his dissolute lifestyle, and became a constant theme throughout his existence.